Wow. I haven't blogged in about a month. I guess part of it is that I've been pretty busy, but that is changing.
Earlier this month I went on a 10 day business trip to Washington state. It was a great time. The week started out rough, but the last half were some of the best days I have had in a long time. It was truly amazing.
Although I came home and now I feel like I have no friends in this town. I've barely hung out with anyone. All of a sudden, all these people I used to hang out with all the time are too busy to hang out anymore. Callie is home maybe one night a week... maybe. She's at something with church 5-6 times a week and then the other night out with some of her other friends.
People have promised me to go see movies or whatever, and they'll go see them without me. I feel like I have to struggle to find something to do every weekend because no one wants to hang out anymore.
I feel like I'm going through a recession of friends. Maybe I'll go to this movie thing tonight at my friend's church. It's not what I would necessarily choose to do, but at least it's something to do.
Blah. I really need to meet more people. I'm trying but it's hard when everyone already has their established group of friends
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Same old
I found out today that my brother has started ring shopping. I'm happy for him. I'm glad he found someone who makes him happy and she is a nice girl.
I'm just trying really hard to not be bummed out. My brother is 3 years younger than me and here he is about to get married. Its hard, and it makes me feel like a failure... especially since he used to say he never really wanted to get married because he liked living and being on his own.
God has been telling me that I really need to be patient and stop asking why. I'm really trying. It's hard, and I'm really frustrating... and tonight I'm upset.
I'm just trying really hard to not be bummed out. My brother is 3 years younger than me and here he is about to get married. Its hard, and it makes me feel like a failure... especially since he used to say he never really wanted to get married because he liked living and being on his own.
God has been telling me that I really need to be patient and stop asking why. I'm really trying. It's hard, and I'm really frustrating... and tonight I'm upset.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Fantasy
I think everyone who reads this blog (all 2 of you) know that I love Fantasy... fantasy books, movies, etc. I've always loved them ever since I was a little girl.
I think the reason why is because when I read or watch fantasy, it takes me to another world. I can completely remove myself from this world and escape to a different reality... where there is magic and the land, the creatures, and the way of life is different. And somehow, I find release in that. I find myself longing to be in that world.
Science Fiction isn't quite the same. For me, science fiction is often too far-fetched... which I know doesn't make sense because science fiction is often much more realistic than fantasy. I guess the difference for me is that fantasies take place in another world... they often don't take place on earth and they don't pretend to be our future. While science fiction almost always involves earth and the way it evolves with aliens and such. To me... I'd rather go to a world that I know is fake, than reading about a future earth that will probably never be. I love the Ender's Game series, but I think, except for some of the later part of Ender's story, that it doesn't focus so much on aliens. I don't like Star Trek, and even Star Wars is pushing it a bit for me.
I think it's obvious at this point that I just saw Prince Caspian. I know that most people will say "it's the same special effects as all the fantasy movies out right now" and they will criticize it to death, but for me, it's more of the story... a child's story. It's not supposed to be a Lord of the Rings. Yes, it strayed from the book... but in almost every area that they made different in the movie, I understand why they did. The 4 children got involved in the plot earlier in the movie than in the book so that they would be in the movie more. They showed the storm on the castle which never actually happened because they want to show the massive and painful loss of life in the battles leading up to the final one (and also to parallel the consequences of not searching for Jesus in decisions). What upset me about the movie is that they added an unecessary romance between Susan and Prince Caspian. It never even remotely happened in the book, and it made no sense to put it in the movie. Even to my friends who love chick flicks, they didn't like that it was added. It really put a damper on an otherwise well done movie.
Anyone else see it?
I think the reason why is because when I read or watch fantasy, it takes me to another world. I can completely remove myself from this world and escape to a different reality... where there is magic and the land, the creatures, and the way of life is different. And somehow, I find release in that. I find myself longing to be in that world.
Science Fiction isn't quite the same. For me, science fiction is often too far-fetched... which I know doesn't make sense because science fiction is often much more realistic than fantasy. I guess the difference for me is that fantasies take place in another world... they often don't take place on earth and they don't pretend to be our future. While science fiction almost always involves earth and the way it evolves with aliens and such. To me... I'd rather go to a world that I know is fake, than reading about a future earth that will probably never be. I love the Ender's Game series, but I think, except for some of the later part of Ender's story, that it doesn't focus so much on aliens. I don't like Star Trek, and even Star Wars is pushing it a bit for me.
I think it's obvious at this point that I just saw Prince Caspian. I know that most people will say "it's the same special effects as all the fantasy movies out right now" and they will criticize it to death, but for me, it's more of the story... a child's story. It's not supposed to be a Lord of the Rings. Yes, it strayed from the book... but in almost every area that they made different in the movie, I understand why they did. The 4 children got involved in the plot earlier in the movie than in the book so that they would be in the movie more. They showed the storm on the castle which never actually happened because they want to show the massive and painful loss of life in the battles leading up to the final one (and also to parallel the consequences of not searching for Jesus in decisions). What upset me about the movie is that they added an unecessary romance between Susan and Prince Caspian. It never even remotely happened in the book, and it made no sense to put it in the movie. Even to my friends who love chick flicks, they didn't like that it was added. It really put a damper on an otherwise well done movie.
Anyone else see it?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Do you ever want to just sit down and write because there is so much swirling around in your head, but when you go to actually write it you don't know what to say?
I'm a person that expresses myself best through writing, but I admittedly don't spend enough time doing it. I used to write all of the time, but time and energy have been focused elsewhere and so I leave it all festering inside of me. So when I eventually take the time to write, I sit here and stare blankly at the screen.
Maybe it's just that I don't know where to start... or that there is so much to say, and I really don't have time to sit and type it all out. Or maybe I'm worried about offending people (because as we all know I'm a very opinionated person and sometimes people don't like what I have to say). Or it could just be that I'm afraid that my thoughts and feelings will be trivialized or judged when all I want to do is express myself.
All I'll say for now is that spiritual attacks are strange things. You know they are temporary and will make you stronger, but when you are going through them you want nothing more than for them to just go away.
It's times like this when my heart aches to talk to an old, trusted friend over a cup of hot chocolate.
I'm a person that expresses myself best through writing, but I admittedly don't spend enough time doing it. I used to write all of the time, but time and energy have been focused elsewhere and so I leave it all festering inside of me. So when I eventually take the time to write, I sit here and stare blankly at the screen.
Maybe it's just that I don't know where to start... or that there is so much to say, and I really don't have time to sit and type it all out. Or maybe I'm worried about offending people (because as we all know I'm a very opinionated person and sometimes people don't like what I have to say). Or it could just be that I'm afraid that my thoughts and feelings will be trivialized or judged when all I want to do is express myself.
All I'll say for now is that spiritual attacks are strange things. You know they are temporary and will make you stronger, but when you are going through them you want nothing more than for them to just go away.
It's times like this when my heart aches to talk to an old, trusted friend over a cup of hot chocolate.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Stupidity
I've determined it's stupid to have a crush on a guy that's seems way too good to be true. First of all, there's a 99% chance that he's not single. And even if he falls into that 1% that is single, he would still never go for you. So you know what, it's just not worth it.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Friendships
I love friendships, as I'm sure everyone does. It's just strange sometimes when you think about how you met your friends. Usually there is a whole chain of events leading up to your first meeting with a friend. And even after that initial contact, there are so many decisions that are made on both sides to get to a point of close friendship.
The past few days, some of my good friends were in town for GMA. Seriously, they single-handedly made GMA great for me. They actually made it fun! All I heard was horror stories about it, and I had a good time. We spent hours together every day and when they left Tuesday evening, it literally felt like my heart broke.
I guess I just find it strange. There are some people you meet that you know you will be good friends forever, and there are others that you meet and you feel that you might be close for a time, but that it will eventually fade and you will go your separate ways. To be quite honest, I always considered these guys in the second category... we'd hang out for a year or two and then it would start to die off. But every time we hang out, we get closer and closer... to the point that I would definitely consider two out of the three some of my closest friends. I talk to them more than I talk to most of my other friends. Maybe it will still only be for a short time, but I'm loving it while it lasts. Also, the two I'm closest to gave me some of the nicest compliments I have ever gotten this week. They really mean the world to me.
And what's stranger is the long chain of events that had to happen starting about 15 years ago to even get me to the point where I would have met them that one fateful late night in a hotel lobby. I think back and am amazed at how God orchestrates things. It's crazy.
I just feel honored to be blessed with such amazing friends.
In other news, I'm frustrated with how love lives work. I mean... I just want to meet really awesome single Christian guys (who are NOT awkward)... and they are really hard to find around here. They are either married or not quality. I met a really cool, attractive Christian guy the other day. Seems really awesome, but how come I couldn't attract him? He was really nice and maybe a future friend... but I don't see any attraction from his end. (he's not married but could quite possibly have a gf. i dont see how a guy like him could not have someone). It just gets frustrating.
Any advice on how to attract sweet, Godly Christian men? I always feel like I need to be a superficial, skanky ho to attract anyone.
The past few days, some of my good friends were in town for GMA. Seriously, they single-handedly made GMA great for me. They actually made it fun! All I heard was horror stories about it, and I had a good time. We spent hours together every day and when they left Tuesday evening, it literally felt like my heart broke.
I guess I just find it strange. There are some people you meet that you know you will be good friends forever, and there are others that you meet and you feel that you might be close for a time, but that it will eventually fade and you will go your separate ways. To be quite honest, I always considered these guys in the second category... we'd hang out for a year or two and then it would start to die off. But every time we hang out, we get closer and closer... to the point that I would definitely consider two out of the three some of my closest friends. I talk to them more than I talk to most of my other friends. Maybe it will still only be for a short time, but I'm loving it while it lasts. Also, the two I'm closest to gave me some of the nicest compliments I have ever gotten this week. They really mean the world to me.
And what's stranger is the long chain of events that had to happen starting about 15 years ago to even get me to the point where I would have met them that one fateful late night in a hotel lobby. I think back and am amazed at how God orchestrates things. It's crazy.
I just feel honored to be blessed with such amazing friends.
In other news, I'm frustrated with how love lives work. I mean... I just want to meet really awesome single Christian guys (who are NOT awkward)... and they are really hard to find around here. They are either married or not quality. I met a really cool, attractive Christian guy the other day. Seems really awesome, but how come I couldn't attract him? He was really nice and maybe a future friend... but I don't see any attraction from his end. (he's not married but could quite possibly have a gf. i dont see how a guy like him could not have someone). It just gets frustrating.
Any advice on how to attract sweet, Godly Christian men? I always feel like I need to be a superficial, skanky ho to attract anyone.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Not again
Man it's been a while since I've updated this thing. I've been really busy, and it's only going to get busier over the next few weeks.
My brother was in town from Wednesday night until last night. It was fun... strange to have my worlds collide, but fun. It went so fast, I feel like it didnt even happen. And now Monday is back to work after 4 days off. I like my job, but who really wants to go to work?
In general, things have been good and can't really complain. I'm really beginning to realize what a miserable person I was. It's kind of embarassing actually. I hope I never go back to that place.
The only thing I've really been struggling with is the same old problem... the whole marriage thing. God has been showing me recently what a healthy, Godly relationship between a husband and wife should look like. It's been in good in that way, but only making me desire it more. The hard thing about living in this town is everyone gets married young. Seriously, all the quality guys are married by the age of 22. I've met maybe one or two seemingly decent guys who weren't married (and my age) since I've moved here. All the rest you can either tell why they are single or they have been married for 5 years. It's ridiculous and depressing.
The strange thing is, as much as I desire to get married, I'm not sure that I can see myself married. I'm so independent, and I have trust issues. Plus I tend to like the chase and then if it ever starts to become a reality, I normally freak out and run the other direction... or I do something to really screw it up. And I'm a snuggly person, but I'm definitely not really a physical person either. So a lot would have to happen with God interferring for me to ever get to a place of marriage.
So why do I desire it so much? Why can't God just take the desire away if I'm not supposed to get married? And if I am supposed to, why can't I find the right person? I'm not getting any younger here. I don't want to be impatient... but I am getting scared of being alone for the rest of my life.
My brother was in town from Wednesday night until last night. It was fun... strange to have my worlds collide, but fun. It went so fast, I feel like it didnt even happen. And now Monday is back to work after 4 days off. I like my job, but who really wants to go to work?
In general, things have been good and can't really complain. I'm really beginning to realize what a miserable person I was. It's kind of embarassing actually. I hope I never go back to that place.
The only thing I've really been struggling with is the same old problem... the whole marriage thing. God has been showing me recently what a healthy, Godly relationship between a husband and wife should look like. It's been in good in that way, but only making me desire it more. The hard thing about living in this town is everyone gets married young. Seriously, all the quality guys are married by the age of 22. I've met maybe one or two seemingly decent guys who weren't married (and my age) since I've moved here. All the rest you can either tell why they are single or they have been married for 5 years. It's ridiculous and depressing.
The strange thing is, as much as I desire to get married, I'm not sure that I can see myself married. I'm so independent, and I have trust issues. Plus I tend to like the chase and then if it ever starts to become a reality, I normally freak out and run the other direction... or I do something to really screw it up. And I'm a snuggly person, but I'm definitely not really a physical person either. So a lot would have to happen with God interferring for me to ever get to a place of marriage.
So why do I desire it so much? Why can't God just take the desire away if I'm not supposed to get married? And if I am supposed to, why can't I find the right person? I'm not getting any younger here. I don't want to be impatient... but I am getting scared of being alone for the rest of my life.
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